Galactic Empire Hails Latest Invention: Railings

The Galactic Empire and His Highness, Emperor Palpatine, are pleased to announced our latest invention: the railing. This advanced technological achievement is guaranteed to improve safety and help crush the rebellion.

The device, which can be made from wood, metal, or manufactured materials, is easily installed at the edge of high platforms. By forming a physical barrier, it prevents unintended falls by personnel.

Emperor Palpatine praised the clone designers of the railing for their hard work and ingenuity. He has decreed that all military bases and vessels are to have them installed by the end of the year. The empire has conquered the planet of Neekraka in order to establish a manufacturing site for this vital item.

Multiple studies have shown that stormtroopers and other imperial personnel die more often from accidental falls than from rebel attacks. Last year, falls were the number one cause of death at military installations for every month except March, when the Death Star exploded due to a reported technical glitch.

 

Written by C.W. Briar

 

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