EPA Culling Stupid-Looking Pokemon

The US Environmental Protection Agency announced it has begun culling egregiously stupid-looking Pokemon. The aim of the program is to make room in the ecosystem and Pokedex for better specimens.

At a press conference on Thursday, EPA official Blake Roberts provided details about Operation Pokepurge.

“Nobody wants their Pokemon hunt or nature walk ruined by a godforsaken clown puppet-thing or a sack dressed in a wig and blackface. Anyone wanting to catch them all must begrudgingly harvest a being comprised of multiple eggs with faces. No one wants these abominations living among us.”

Snipers are being stationed in areas where the wretched creations are known to congregate. They will bait the creatures with razz and oran berries, then kill them with a high-caliber rifle.

“Our shooters are highly trained and professional,” Roberts said. “People will be safe, as will charmanders, vulpixes, and other Pokemon that we actually enjoy. But gone are the days of klinks, vanilluxes, and garbadors. Klefkis are rings of keys, for crying out loud, and they need to go. I’d like to beat the designer with a rubber hose.”

When asked how the EPA would remove terribly-conceived ghost Pokemon, as bullets will not work on them, Roberts admitted it’s an issue.

“We’re working on it.”

 

Written by C.W. Briar

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