English Hero Leaves League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

In a move that had been rumored but highly doubted by the world, Englishman Allan Quatermain has elected to leave the international group of heroes known as The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

“I’ve regained my freedom,” said a smiling Quatermain after the Quexit. “The League’s rules had become a prickling nuisance. I missed the old days of hunting endangered animals and exploiting the people of Africa and India.”

Reactions to the news ranged from disbelief to anger. Dastardly villainry skyrocketed. World leaders condemned the move. After asking a pollster how the American public views the change, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton said, “This is a bad decision that I personally oppose, but do you know what decision is a good one: voting for me.”

As usual, Donald Trump spouted whatever stupid idea would ruffle the most feathers. He supported the decision. “Allan Quatermain is going to be great again, like America. I know this hero named Wowzerman, and he loves me, lots of people love me, and this guy split from his hero league, and he became more famous that Batman and Superman combined.”

Written by C.W. Briar

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