Latest E3 2016 Headlines

E3, the Electronics Entertainment Expo, is the largest annual showcase of upcoming video games. Fans wait with bated breath for a glimpse of the killer titles they’ll be playing in the upcoming months and years.

Here’s the latest headlines from E3 2016:

  • Nintendo announced all future iterations of their consoles would be named after whatever new game engine they are using for their perpetually delayed Zelda project.
  • In a rare moment of transparency, Sony laid out their strategy for the Playstation brand: copy what everyone else is doing, but pretend their ideas were ours.
  • Microsoft’s big announcements went public hours before the show. Officials are blaming a 4th grader in Cincinnati, Ohio. They claim the boy accidentally hacked the Windows 10 presentation laptop while trying to download Minecraft at his school.
  • Ubisoft announced its open world games will now feature optional campaigns to supplement the glut of tedious, repetitive side quests.
  • EA debuted their new premium service, EA Pre-Access. The program offers even earlier availability of games than their EA Access program. Players will be able to test upcoming games at the headquarters of every EA-owned game development company. The publisher says, “For only $199 per year, you get to be just like one of our professional game testers.”
  • In related news, EA announced it is laying off all of its game testing staff.
  • Lots of developers and publishers showed their commitment to creating virtual reality games. We will soon be playing our games while spinning, juking, and blinded to the real world. As a result, stocks for every major health insurance company in America is up by at least 10% on the day.

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