Weyland-Yutani Employees Protest Wages, Deadly Experiments

Los Angeles – Diego Lopez has worked at Weyland-Yutani Corporation for almost a decade. He says that the company does not adequately compensate employees like him, especially since profits are at an all-time high.

“I’ve worked here for eight years, man. I still don’t have stock options, I still make barely more than minimum wage, and half of my friends have been laid off or used in horrifying experiments.”

He and his coworkers are protesting what they see as unfair wages. They want $15 per hour for starting employees, plus reimbursement for workers chosen as unknowing test subjects of mutagens and military-grade viruses.

“I got one raise in the last four years,” Lopez says. “I don’t make enough to feed my family plus pay for medical expenses ever since that chemical in the air ducts made me grow a third arm.”

Amanda Yance, another Weyland-Yutani employee seeking $15/hour, says they’re the lucky ones.

“My friend Jennifer got cut without benefits last week. On the way out the door, they sicked these insectile hounds on her to test program readiness. How is she supposed to pay to have her arm reattached without health insurance?”

We reached out to Weyland-Yutani for comments. Their spokesman promised to speak to us soon, then went back to unleashing nightmarish monstrosities on the protesters.

 

Written by C.W. Briar

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