Dark Souls 3 Promises Insane Difficulty

Dark Soul 3 is about to release in the states. Developer FromSoftware and gaming jounalists claim it’s the most difficult edition in a game series infamous for its difficulty. The challenge accelerates when playing it in New Game Plus, or NG+, a mode unlocked after it has been beaten once.

Here are some of the features that make NG+ so challenging physically, psychologically, and emotionally:

  • A CGI-rendered mom with a vacuum cleaner moves across the foreground, temporarily blocking your view.
  • The Taurus Demon and his pack of hounds waits only inches behind every single fog gate.
  • Dark Souls 3 deletes critical files, requiring you to get a programming degree to fix game-breaking bugs that prevent you from finishing it.
  • Arbitrarily slowed down frame rates and load times.
  • A fake pause feature appears, and using it corrupts save files.
  • All DLC must be purchased through EA’s Origin store.
  • After 100+ hours, the game pops up existential questions about how you’re spending your life.
  • Failing to beat bosses within 3 tries results in your browser history and 9th-grade music playlist being published online.
  • NPCs remind you that players who are way better than you beat the first Dark Souls with plastic guitars and bongos.
  • A violent sect of sun-praisers populates the world and attacks you with religious zeal.
  • Magic becomes spammier but is only useable by obnoxious 14-year-old invaders.
  • Subliminal sound effects of running water play in the background, inducing the urge to get up and pee.
  • An optional sub-world lets you in but does not let you out until you produce a Top-20 J-Pop song.
  • A game developer dressed as Lautrec kidnaps your pets and gives you 24 hours to beat the game, or else!
  • Now when you see flocks of dragons above a bridge, they actually attack.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: