FLINT, MICHIGAN – Eye witnesses are reporting that Captain Planet, the protector of Earth’s environment, has been dropping city and state officials into the Flint River. This comes on the heels of a shocking announcement that the river and Flint, Michigan residents have been poisoned by lead.
Police have not yet confirmed which government officials have been plunged into the toxic waterway, nor if any have developed mutations or evil super powers.
Local news stations have also reported sightings of a small boy slashing tires outside of government offices in Detroit. They describe him as possibly Brazilian, dressed in a khaki vest, and sporting a ‘HEART 4 LIFE’ forehead tattoo. Authorities have asked witnesses to call if they have any information applicable to the case.
Written by C.W. Briar